His Eyes are on the Sparrows
Today I went to the bathroom to make myself throw up. I felt the eminent anxiety attack coming if I did not empty my stomach of the minimal intake I'd consumed (an almond butter wrap and beef jerky). Although “macro friendly", I had broken my fast too soon (at 11 hours instead of 16). We were at a train station so I hurried into the restroom only to be followed two minutes later by my three year old who refused to give me space in the bathroom (as usual). When it became evident that my mission must be aborted, I hurried out to find my husband to let him know an anxiety attack was about to crash over me. I gave him the look and without telling him why, I mouthed anxiety and then headed outside to ride the incoming wave. Once he joined me, the worst was over. He hugged me and asked me if I had throw up. When I told him I had not, he kissed me and told me how proud he was of me. I teared up and with shame told him there was nothing to be proud of as it had not been by strength of will but the pestering clinginess of a preschooler. My beloved just smiled and said how amazing it is that the Lord can use a child to intercede on His behalf. The thought that the Creator if the Universe would care enough to send my son in to save me from myself is almost too much to handle.
I tell you this for multiple reasons. One is to assure you of my brokenness. I think it is easy to look at others lives and assume they have it all together. I will be the first to throw a rock at any glass facade You may be looking at me through. I struggle with an eating disorder and anxiety and it is not due to lack of faith or prayer - it is my daily battle and one that with the Lords help, I believe I will be victorious in overcoming. Secondly, I want to encourage you. God sees you. He sees you right where you are. In His goodness, He does not stand sneering over you as a judge, but through the eyes of a Father who’s heart breaks over His hurting children. In Matthew 10:29-31, it states, "are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father...So do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."
Friend, know that you are never alone. He is there for you. I am here for you. Fear not, dear sparrow; you are worth more than you know.
- Coco J.
I’m dedicating this post to my incredible husband who daily points me to Jesus and loves me more than I deserve.
Posted on September 17, 2019
by Andreas Janzen